Navigating the Teenaged Years: Parenting a Strong Willed Child

I’m ever evolving in my parenting & seeking to grow in wisdom in the parenting of a strong-willed, opinionated, question everything child. It use to be frustrating to me that as Amaya got older, every directive given to her was met with a question that hinted at her questioning the purpose behind my parental request or God-given right as a parent to tell their kid to do something and they do it without a word and with a smile (cue laughing audience).Her attitude at times and “back talk” frustrated me to no end until I took a step back to look at my child and see that she was growing up & part of that process includes trying to make sense of the world for herself through the very use of skills taught to her primarily by us her parents whether it be through verbal exchange and/or her watching us. We inherently teach our children values and a way of being through our daily interactions. So, most time what we get from them is what we have deposited in them, yikes!

With that little insight and knowledge, my frustrations now have turned to mindful observation of this amazing vessel of a human being. I watch her from a distance, because those teenage years try to keep all parents at bay lol. In my observation I realize she is methodical like her mama, passionate and competitive like her daddy. Like her father she is a giver who does not like to be seen or praised for what they do for others. She does not run for center stage but have the capacity to own the stage once she decides to step on it, and trust me that won’t happen until she is ready/desire to do it. Like me she likes to know what she’s talking about before she speaks, discovering early ignorance is not bliss. Her little sister adores and emulate her every move from style of dress to developing a love for basketball, except Alina says she doesn’t like to sweat lol so it is still to be determined what will happen with that. Much like her father she does not hold malice they would rather enjoy life.

As much of us I am seeing in her, she is yet teaching me. With the advancement of technology and all children having the potential to be exposed to way too much way too early I often silently worry for our children yet continuously pray for them. That being said, she teaches me everyday to trust in the very lessons her father and I teach them. She teaches me about faith and knowing how to be content with whatever state we find ourselves, whether you have a lot or a little. She has never been a child to complain about not having some material item, feed her and she is good. In fact ever since Amaya was small we never knew what to get her for Christmas. She knew early there was no Santa Claus (inside joke), nonetheless even when given the opportunity to make a list she didn’t. Her focus and joy was/is centered on her list for others, what she wanted to get or do for other people. Her lessons on faith is one 1st in God and then not to lose it in humanity. That through the eyes of God we have hope and can see the best in people. So, I’ve learned instead of spending my time trying to breakdown her stubborn will for her to mindlessly learn to obey my every command, especially when I’m tired and don’t feel like saying it twice, I am instead embracing her will to be strong, courageous, bold, relentless, fearless, determined, authentic, and simply her.

I’ve learned it’s all about how you look at it. All those attributes listed above I believe is what every parent wants for their child but few understand that it comes at a cost to them. There is no room for bravado in parenting. Needless to say I am learning what I want most from her and for her will cost me my right to be right all the time as a parent, because I’m not always right.  If we as parents are honest sometimes we’re just tired, cranky, and just need a nap. Lol

The sooner we grab hold to the fact that we are required to be parents not perfect the better parents we will become. It’s ok to evaluate what you are doing and decide to scrap it if it doesn’t work and employ something better! Best in finding out what works for you and your child.