So, we’ve embarked on a new year, and as the euphoria wears off, many are starting to realize unless you change the date on a calendar changes nothing. What was not dealt with in the previous year remains unhandled in the new year. Moving into the new year does not negate our responsibility to do the necessary work to heal and live the life we desire.
Emotional psychological pain is real and left unchecked; it can wreak havoc in our lives. When we avoid addressing past hurts, that pain becomes “the undercurrent that prevents us from living. ” A lot of times, we do not recognize what is happening; our ills are sometimes outside of our awareness but are the driving force behind our interactions with others. For example, a close examination of unchecked adult anger might reveal that anger serves to mask an unvalidated hurt child within. Or, at the other end of the spectrum functioning in life for the constant approval or validation of others.
When everything becomes filtered through the lens of pain, it distorts our view of people and the world. But, as I have said many times before, there is hope. It begins with our willingness not to push away those who care enough to speak hard truths about our behavior and patterns. While it can be understandably tough for us to hear things about ourselves we do not like, it can be a window to our distress. What helps to soften the blow of hearing hard truths is learning to extend kindness to yourself. Know that you did not get to where you are in a vacuum. Life experiences with people help shape our views and sense of self, which dictates how we engage with the world. But you can rewrite the script! Once you are aware of how those experiences are influencing your life, you can decide to begin healing and charting a new course for yourself.
I repeat, be kind to yourself. No one is all ”good” or ”bad”; we all possess some qualities that need work. Most people are doing the best they can with what they have and know and, despite their behaviors, do not wake up with the intent to be the worst human possible. But change starts with recognizing there is unfinished business. There is a certain power that comes with naming our pain. It helps us to hone in and know what we are truly fighting against. Win the battle today by bravely choosing to address any unfinished business.
~Be well
Kerry McLachlan 