From Chaos to Connection: Rethinking Children’s Big Behaviors

I hear a lot about the gentle parenting movement—both from parents I have as clients and from the memes and videos that circulate online. While much of it is shared in good humor (and I do love a good laugh), I know that gentle parenting isn’t about letting children do whatever they want, whenever and however they want. Rather, it’s about shifting our perspective on challenging behaviors.

How we interpret a child’s actions shapes how we respond. If we see a child as being in distress, we instinctively move toward empathy, understanding, and connection—because distress signals a need for immediate care. On the other hand, if we view their behavior as acting out, our response is often reactive and punitive.

Children, especially young ones, communicate through behavior. A highly dysregulated child is often signaling for help—not simply misbehaving. Recognizing this doesn’t mean ignoring correction; it means being curious about what’s beneath the surface. Big behaviors like tantrums, aggression, or biting are often just the visible tip of the iceberg. If we only react to what we see, we miss the deeper needs driving those behaviors.

So, let’s be curious. What is a child showing us that they don’t yet have the words to say? How can we help them build the tools they need to navigate these big emotions in the future? Curiosity fosters connection, and connection is what drives lasting change.

Parenting isn’t easy, but you’ve got this! Stay regulated, stay curious, and stay connected. 💛